It's been a while since I've written one of these, but the name for the new Xbox has inspired me! 

There’s no doubt about it, the name Xbox One has not been received well so far. For ONE reason: it’s the third Xbox, so the name literally doesn’t make sense. Especially when you take into consideration that the reason they named the Xbox 360 what they did is because “Xbox 2” sounded a generation behind PS3. Now Xbox One will sound three generations behind the PS4? Aside from that, it just plain doesn’t sound cool.

Video game console names should sound cool! So let’s take a look and reflect on the names of video game consoles throughout time.

Magnavox Odyssey
This is the first home video game system ever released and has a great name. Well, maybe not the Magnavox, but Odyssey sounds cool! Odyssey implies going on some kind of fantastic trip, and while most games back then weren’t quite “fantastic,” it was still pretty neato at the time.

Atari 2600
Great name! What is an atari? Apparently, it’s a term from the Japanese game go. Did we know that when it came out? Nope, but it sure sounded futuristic. We also didn’t know what the 2600 meant, but it was a big number, so it must be good. Certainly sounds more impressive than the Atari 17, or Atari 153. I still think Atari is a cool system, especially the simulated wood grain paneling.

Intellivision
Hey, any game system that has most of the word “intelligent” can’t be bad, right? I mean, it’s like, a combo of “intelligent” and “television”...like some kind of intelligent television! Genius! Actually, all kidding aside, it’s a good name that rolls off the tongue and is fun to say. Too bad about that controller, though. I remember playing a lot of Las Vegas Poker & Blackjack with this controller—those numbers were very handy for making bets, but that was about it.

ColecoVision
Not a good name. What the heck is a “coleco?” Absolutely nothing comes to mind when I hear that word. Certainly doesn’t sound futuristic. Also sounds like a rip off of the Intellivision. That being said, the system came with Donkey Kong, which was a near perfect port of the arcade game, so a lot of people had one. I have a lot of early memories of playing the Smurf game on the ColecoVision. Hard game. Everything killed you (even walking into grass kills you!) and the jump was terrible.

Vectrex
Great name! Don’t really have a clue what a “Vectrex” was when this came out, but we knew it sounded cool as words that start with a “V” and end in an “X” often do. Dynamite system, actually. The graphics are all line-drawn; there is no color or shading, just pure geometric shapes. I actually have a working Vectrex on my desk. A lot of these old consoles still work because they have very few moving parts, like disc spinners or whatnot.

Commodore 64
A Commodore! That’s like a very high ranking guy in the uh…uh….some kind of armed services! Therefore, it has to be good. The Captain 64 sounds terrible, as does the General 64. But the Commodore 64, now that sounds regal! This console was many people’s first computer, and it had a whopping 64 kilobytes of ram! It was still enough to play some pretty fun games.

Nintendo
This console had a cool sounding name back in the day, as well. It was kind of exotic, and was fun to say. Nintendo. Nintendo. Say it with me, Nintendo. The system not only had a catchy-sounding name, it came with a light gun, and a combo Duck Hunt/Super Mario Bros. cartridge! As you probably know, this game system did pretty well.

Sega Master System
Hello! It’s the MASTER system! The word “Sega” sounds cool and Japanese-y although it’s not actually a Japanese word.  It’s the combination of the words “service” and “games,” because Sega originally started out as a company that serviced slot machines and other coin-operated games. Although it had a cool name, it did not do that well in America. 

Sega Genesis
Genesis! Great name! It implies a whole new beginning—the start of something amazing! And it was a band with Phil Collins! This system had some pretty sweet graphics and an eye-boggling Sonic the Hedgehog game that gave the Nintendo a run for their money.

Neo-Geo
Another great sounding name for a console! What is a Neo-Geo? Who knows?! But Neo sounds like “new” and also rhymes with “Geo.” Rhyming names are always good! The console was kind of crazy, because it was insanely expensive! It was $650 and the cartridges were also quite costly. And they were big, really big. It was hard to carry more than a few around at a time.

Super Nintendo
It’s like a Nintendo—BUT SUPER!!! I’m not sure if this name would fly in this ultra-ironic era, but at the time, it didn’t sound bad. And most importantly, you knew it was better than the Nintendo. The name could also be shortened to the SNES, and things written out in ALL CAPS tend to stand out.

Atari Jaguar
Terrible name. You shouldn’t name your console after an animal. Cars are okay to name after animals. Sport’s teams are okay to name after animals. Video game consoles? Not so much.

Sega Saturn
You can’t name your console after an animal, but you can after a planet! Sega Saturn is an alliteration, and people love alliterations! Just ask J. Jonah Jameson of the Daily Bugle about it! Sadly, the console was doomed from the start. Developers had a hard time programming for it, and the PlayStation’s momentum became too strong.

PlayStation
Sometimes, simple works best! PlayStation—a station where you play! Also, it could be shortened to PS1 (then PS2, PS3, etc). Names that can easily be shortened are good, because it saves time when talking or writing about them. The PlayStation also opened up the gates for 3D graphics, and started the “modern” era of gaming. Video games began to shed the “just for kids” image, and became more complex and mature.

Nintendo 64 (N64)
Not a bad name, but not great. The N64 continued in the era of putting a number after a game system to let consumers know it was more powerful than previous consoles. The number “64” referred to “bits,” which was a term that roughly described how powerful the machine was. The original Nintendo was 8 bit, SNES 16, Sega Saturn 32 and N64...64 obviously. I wonder how many “bits” the Xbox One is?

Dreamcast
Wonderful name. Dreamcast—it’s like a machine that casts dreams! Dreams are great! Well, this dream wasn’t so great for Sega, it was the last console they made. Basically, it lost because it wasn’t a DVD player, and was too early for online gaming.  But it’s my favorite video game console name, and my favorite console as well. Man, did I love my Dreamcast.

PlayStation 2
Simplicity at it’s finest! People loved the PlayStation 1, so why not keep the name and increase the number to let consumers know exactly what they’re getting? (i.e. The next version of the PlayStation 1.) This system was also a DVD player, and cheaper than most commercially available DVD players. I really believe that this is the reason they beat the Dreamcast. In fact, when I was camping out to get a PS2, I asked several people in line why they wanted one, and the common answer was “It plays DVDs.”

GameCube
Not exactly inspiring, but like the PS1, it more or less tells you what it is—a cube that plays games. This was Nintendo’s first machine to use optical discs, as they finally gave up on cartridges.

Xbox
Great name! Names with the letter X always sound cool and mysterious! X-Men, Generation X, Racer X: There’s just something about that letter. Maybe because it sounds so close to “sex,” and humans seem to have a keen interest in things concerning sex. Anyway, the Xbox was huge! It was a monster of a machine, and the controllers were gigantic! I mean, not quite the spaceship-sized controllers the Dreamcast had, but far too big for normal human hands.

Xbox 360
Also a great name! What does the “360” mean? Who knows! But it’s a big number! Also, there are 360 degrees in a circle! What does that have to do with it? I have no idea, but "360" sounds neat. 

PlayStation 3
No complaints. Still tells people what they’re getting. What it didn’t tell people was that they were in for a $600 surprise! Because Sony wanted to win the format wars and destroy HD DVDs, they built in a Blu-ray player. This jacked up the price, and Sony took a beating when the system first launched.

Wii
Terrible name. It’s memorable, but not for the right reasons. Also the name tells you nothing about the system. And it’s far too easy to make bad jokes with. I think this is really one of the worst game system names of all time.

Wii U
Another stinker. It tells you it’s like the Wii, but not how. Even Wii 2 would have been a clearer name. Or the Super Wii! What is the U for? In any case, yeah, it’s pretty bad.

PlayStation 4
Works fine. Has global recognition. Absolutely no reason to change it up now!

Xbox One
Wha—?! It’s never a good sign when you announce your “new” name and it’s immediately mocked. The nickname Xbone spread all over the Internet like wildfire—it’s been trending on my Twitter feed on and off for days! Also, as I mentioned earlier, it’s just plain confusing.

Names are important!

For example, when we went digital we needed to change our name to something else so people would understand that Shonen Jump was undergoing a monumental change, so we changed it to Shonen Jump Alpha. The Alpha signified it was something new, and that it was “unfinished.” As we ironed out many of the problems and went fully simultaneous with Japan, we dropped the Alpha and became Weekly Shonen Jump, the same name as the Japanese print magazine.

A good name can make people curious about your product. A bad name can confuse them or turn them off completely. We’ll see how history judges the Xbox One, but my personal feeling is it won’t be nice. But hey, at least they didn’t name it after an animal!

The Xbox Hawk? The Xbox Panther? The Xbox Shark? Hrm…

by Urian Brown