"Greed, for the lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works." — Gordon Gekko

If Gordon Gekko had a favorite video game, it would probably be Penny-Punching Princess. Out now for the Nintendo Switch and the PlayStation Vita, Penny-Punching Princess is a game about greed. A princess of a ruined and destitute kingdom seeks revenge by using the same weapon her enemies had used to defeat her kingdom and her father, the former king: Capitalism!

“Life is all about money. The winners are the ones who have money.” — Zenigami, the Money God

The Dragoloan Family are an organization of loan sharks...I mean, loan dragons that command a great deal of wealth and have bankrupted many a kingdom. The princess and her faithful beetle butler Sebastian have decided to fight back after losing everything to capitalism. With her permanently crinkled brow and her magic calculator, the princess marches into Dragoloan territory looking to outwit, outlast, and outspend those dastardly draconian debtors.

“Everybody's got a price!” — Ted “The Million Dollar Man” DiBiase

Penny-Punching Princess kind of plays like Gauntlet but it's way sillier and cuter. The princess explores dungeons and fights mobs of monsters and deals with a trove of traps as she discovers treasure chests filled with ducats. It sounds pretty basic but keeping in the theme of capitalism, money plays a big role in the game. The princess can bribe monsters to fight for her and it's done using a magic calculator that appears on the screen.

“This era's about money. Money talks. Those who have money are in the right.” — Executive Hawkragon

Every monster (and by extension, trap) has its price, and you can hold a button and see how much it would cost to recruit them to fight on your side. Not only do they fight for you, but they'll also become a citizen of your kingdom. As you amass more citizens, you'll be able to fund better armor and special moves in addition to making your kingdom look less like a derelict ruin. The key to advancing through the game is knowing which tools to equip before setting out on your journey and wisely spending your money to buy out monsters who will be your muscle and even buying traps that can be triggered to hurt multiple enemies. Keep in mind that you can only have one monster or trap fighting for you at any given time. Eventually, you'll learn how to spend some of your money on a miracle chance, where the more money you're willing to spend, the more potent its effects can be (e.g. more money earned in the following battle, more health recovery, stronger status effects on mobs, etc.)

“Money, money, money is all you need.” — Prince Fleaswallow

This feature sounds neat in practice but it's a bit clumsy when executed. You hold one of the shoulder buttons when bringing up the calculator and you have two control choices: input the price using buttons or touch controls. You can change between these choices when you're not in a dungeon, and you can try and see which control setting is most comfortable for you. But try as you might, it still takes some time to enter the amount and to also select the correct enemy to bribe. Sometimes I've tapped the wrong enemy and I'd be several hundred (or thousand) coins poorer and stuck with a minion I don't need. This is especially troublesome when you're dealing with a horde of baddies and you're trying to do math; the action does not freeze when you're typing up amounts. It's easy to get carried away bribing enemies and then learning that your calculator is out of juice, so you'll need to find batteries to restore power or wait for it to restore power naturally. And it's easy to be short on cash if you're too dependent on bribing your enemies to help you, and it's especially annoying if you're trying to collect treasure on the other side of a literal paywall but you're a couple of hundred coins short of opening the gate.

“Money is power!!!” — Narrator of Penny-Punching Princess

Penny-Punching Princess is a bit rough around the edges. While the concept is novel, the execution is not quite there. It's a shame because the dialogue is funny and the characters are really cute! 

Hint: Don't be afraid to wander off the main track when exploring dungeons. More often than not, you'll end up finding some treasure!

by Ray n.